"Something To Keep In Mind - Story 2" Could I please get some more opinions on a second one?

Hi I would like to write a collection of short stories similar to this one, with the connecting thread being the phrase "Something to keep in mind:" appearing at the end of every story. But first I wanted to get some feedback on one of the stories.

I have already posted another story at this url, and if you like this one then I encourage you to leave feedback on the other one too:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…

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The boy sits in his room and thinks about her. She looked over at him, that much is certain, but was she glancing or really looking? He couldn't make up his mind.
The next day he decides to go back. Hopefully she was working.
He gets there and tells himself that he really needs to buy a good set of carry-on luggage, this isn't all just about her. The kind with wheels that don't clack and zippers that don't tear. The kind that will make your flight attendant's toes curl.
He walks in and doesn't see her. Men's Casual-wear, Boy's Sneakers, Home Appliances, Lingerie, he can't find her anywhere. He panics. He never really needed that luggage anyways. There's other baggage in the sea.
He finds himself wandering through walls of belts and ties when he sees her and she sees him. Hair colored red. Eyes painted blue. Shirt filled with what can't possibly be God-given. Not a natural bone in her body, and she's the most perfect thing he has ever seen.
He won't look for long, not with her staring back at him. This is it. This is what it feels like to have a girl really looking at you.
Ah, here is what he was looking for. This is the most interested he has ever been in a silk, handmade, men's necktie. The tag makes him think this tie might be the answer to every question that he has ever been asked.
A necktie you will be pro- "Is there anything in particular that I can help you with?" Is that condescension in her voice?
"Nope. Just looking." Too cold?
"Well let me know if you need anything" She smiles. Say something clever.
"Like if I get stuck in one of these things?" Oh my God.
"Let's hope that doesn't happen!"
He smiles, hoping it doesn't look too phoney. “You never know.”
“Well alright.” She goes back to her stocking.
Leave now.
Did she look at him as he walked away? Did she think he was cute? Was he cute? Did he say something stupid? Did she talk to her friends about him? Would she keep a scrapbook made of pictures of him? Did she think about him in bed? In the shower?
He asks himself these questions as he walks home. It all stops mattering the moment he rounds the corner of Washington and Drake.
He remembered hearing the neighbors were moving out, and he often heard them playing beautiful music through the walls of his room. He would miss that music.
Down it falls. Down falls Mozart, Chopin, Beethoven. Down falls compositions, rhapsodies, preludes. Down falls dreams of budding virtuosos. It all comes down on the questions, and head, of the boy.


Something to keep in mind: Pianos can fall in real life too.

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Thanks for any feedback, criticism welcome.

Once again, sorry for the format.





Answer :
At the end, it actually made me laugh. This story is brilliant, to be honest. It gets all deep, and then fast paced, and then the end... priceless.





Answer :
good except why does the girl have to be all fake and picture perfect...in real life pianos may fall but girls like that get too many guys like him... why can't she be un-perfect and sweet and all that? im just sayin'... there are more normal nice and sweet girls that aren't perfect that they are like that... and its too typical for a guy to pine for a girl like that!

hope i helped hope you argree lol :D it is really good though... other than the type of girl